It's been almost 4 years since I met Jeff. We had been playing online games together (Return To Castle Wolfenstein for the PC) for quite some time before he ever logged onto ventrilo (voice chat program, you wear a headset and talk, just like being on the phone, only better because it's free). I had always found him to be highly skilled, amusing and fun to play with.
I'll never forget how it affected me the first time I heard his voice. It was like an intense electrical impulse shot through every nerve in my body at once. I found myself alt+tabbing to minimize the game so I could see who's was speaking (a green light will light up by the name of whoever is taking in ventrilo.) His voice oozed confidence and intelligence and I was immediately attracted to him. He was witty, flirty and full of himself and every word that came out of his mouth was incredibly sexy.
After getting to know him through months of gaming I learned that he was in a relationship and living with his girlfriend. I of course was involved with someone as well, so for the next couple of years we had an easy friendship with a lot of flirting and teasing but nothing more than that. I had been living with the guy I was involved with for a while. He wasn't able to work or even live here legally because he was Canadian. We had been together for a couple of years so when he asked me to marry him, against my better judgment I accepted. I knew in order for him to be able to get a job here, he would need to be legal in the US and the only way to do that was to get him a fiancee visa. Things between us hadn't been very good for some time but I had hoped that once he got a job everything would get better. I was wrong, it never did get any better. In fact it only got worse. He and the girls disliked each other more and more with every passing day it seemed and I was constantly in the middle. I asked him for a divorce about a year after we got married and he got nasty about it and threatened to try and take half of my house (which I owned before we ever married and he hardly ever had a job to contribute to paying the mortgage either!) so I didn't push the issue and we grew further and further apart. It was more like a roommate who never paid any rent than a marriage.
Jeff and I continued to hang out and play together. We grew to be great friends over the years and confided things to each other about the relationships we were in. I considered him one of my best friends even though we had never truly even met each other. He heard my kids growing up and had even talked to them on the headset many times. I always thought he had a softspot for Maggie. He would hear her talking in the background and say, " Is that Maggie? Put her on." Maggie would say, " Hi Serpy (one of his character names)!" and he would say in the cutest little voice.." Hiiii Maggie!" He would tell her to be good for me and ask her about school or even which cartoon she was watching. One time I was playing my game with Jeff and Maggie came in with a friend and said, " Are you talking to Serpy?" and I said yes...She turned to her friend and said, "Serpy's my man!" LOL
In December of last year he came online and we started talking and playing our game as usual, at this point we were on to a different game ( World of Warcraft, which we are still playing together) I could tell that he was excited about something and couldn't wait to tell me. " I bought her a ring, I'm going to propose on New Years eve." he said. I wasn't prepared for that, or the sick feeling that came over me as the news of his impending engagement started to sink in. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach with steel toe boots. It didn't dawn on me till much later why the thought of him marrying someone else had such a profound effect on me. I tried to be happy for him and congratulated him and told him I wished them both the best. I didn't hear from him for at least a week after he told me that and then a week or so later he was gone for the holiday until after the 1st of the year. That whole weekend I was sick with the thought of him getting engaged and I couldn't even bring myself to play any games to try and cheer myself up. I kept asking myself, " Why are you so bothered by this? Who are you to say anything? You're married!" And the only answer I could muster to any of those things was , " Yes, I'm married- but not happily...And I don't want to see that happen to him too."
Things continued to get worse in my marriage, we hardly spoke to each other and I started sleeping on the couch and he never asked why or even seemed to care. We just kept up the chirade of being husband and wife, the whole time living pretty much separate lives. He had managed to get a decent job so at least he was helping me financially for a change.
At the beginning of the summer there were several times that Jeff logged on that I could tell he was in a bad mood or something was wrong. There were times, if we were alone he would tell me about how he and his fiancee weren't getting along very well and I would try to help him with advice or just giving him some time and let him vent. He in turn listened to what was going on in my life/marriage and gave me some great advice.
Then one day in the end of June, I'm at one of Maggie's softball games and I get a message on my cellphone from him though my MSN. " Get on ventrilo, I need to talk to you right now!" I've never gotten a message from him on my cell phone before first of all and it sounded really important. "I'm at a ball game? What's wrong?" I send back. My stomach is turning because being a mother, if you get an urgent sounding message like that you assume something is wrong right away. " I kicked her out..The engagement is off...It's over" It was probably really mean of me, but the biggest smile spread across my face when I read those words I can't even describe to you how excited I was at this new information. " Are you OK? You can call me if you need to talk!" and I proceeded to give him my cellphone number and he gave me his. I called him and talked to him for a few minutes to assure myself he was ok. He said he felt better than he had in a long time, like a weight had been lifted off him.
When he broke of his engagement something inside me just snapped and I finally said to myself, "If he can do it, why can't you?" I decided I wasn't going to stay in my loveless marriage any longer and told my husband I wanted a divorce and I meant it. We didn't have any kids in common so it was fairly easy and I filed the papers myself because neither of us could afford an attorney. It was pretty obvious that he wanted a divorce as much as I did because when I confronted him about it, the only thing he was worried about was his immigration status. Didn't care to try and work things out or anything so I knew he would not fight me and I was happy to finally be doing something right for a change.
Jeff and I continued to talk every day about every subject you can imagine. We found that we had so much in common that it was almost uncanny. Every favorite I have, I share with him. Be it my favorite cereal, shoes, perfume/cologne, animals, music and anything in between. Our hopes, our dreams EVERYTHING was the same. Each time the phone rang and I saw his number, the butterflies would start their fluttering in my stomach. With each day that passed my feelings for him grew. It got to the point that he was all I thought about day or night, all day every day. It's still the same today. I wake, eat, sleep and dream him. 24/7
It didn't take long before I realized that I was in love with him. In fact, I started to question if I had ever even been in love before now because I had NEVER felt this way about anyone in my life. I thought that love like this was a fairy tale but it's not. I've never said this about anyone else in my life but he IS my soulmate.
I have never cheated on anyone and never will, so as hard as it was to do the right thing ..We did. We waited until I had filed the divorce before we met in person. I used the money my dad gave me for my birthday for the filing fee, so on August 11th, the day after my birthday, I filed for divorce. That weekend Jeff and I finally met in person for the 1st time. Everything that we had been feeling for each other was confirmed in a big way. It was a wonderful 24 hours we spent together, he bought me a beautiful diamond bracelette and some really nice massage oil for my birthday. There were roses and candles all over the room. It was perfect in every way. We have been together every weekend since then except Labor Day weekend( he had his nephew's birthday party to go to so he stayed home that weekend.)
I had always thought of myself as a strong, independent, self sufficient woman. I had to be. The men in my life never lived up to their responsibilities as either a husband or a father. Now I find now that I'm tired of being the strong one. I love the fact that Jeff is 100% male and in control. He wants to be the one that I depend on to help me with whatever it is I need. He is the most intelligent, responsible, articulate, caring, considerate, thoughtful, romantic, amazing man I have ever met and I thank God everyday that he brought him into my life.
He is THE ONE! I found him! The one that you daydream about when you're growing up, or when you get older and start reading those corney romance novels and think...I wonder if I'll ever meet the man of MY dreams? The answer, for me at least is a resounding YES!!!! I have gladly done things for him that I would never even consider doing for anyone else. He is the one man on this planet that I would ever start over by having another child with (and we plan to in the next 2 years or so) There is nothing I want more than to feel his son grow inside me and to look into his tiny face with his father's beautiful blue eyes. The one I will spend the rest of my life, doing everything in my power, to make him the happiest man alive.
I have never before cried because I missed someone. Every weekend, even though I know he'll be back in 5 days, before the day is over on Sunday and sometimes throughout the week as well, I'm in tears because I can't stand being without him. I go to bed clutching his sweatshirt because it smells like him. I sometimes tease him and tell him he's turned me into a weepy female, which I don't want to be ...(THANKS ALOT JEFF! lol ) I don't mind so much because he wants to be the one to wipe my tears away... The one to put me back together again when I fall apart.
I could go on forever about how much I love him and how I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. This post is getting pretty long winded so I'm going to draw it to a close. I love you Jeff. I miss you. Can't wait to see you Friday. You're my love, my life, my reason, my knight in shining armor, my hero, my soulmate, my everything.
I'll never forget how it affected me the first time I heard his voice. It was like an intense electrical impulse shot through every nerve in my body at once. I found myself alt+tabbing to minimize the game so I could see who's was speaking (a green light will light up by the name of whoever is taking in ventrilo.) His voice oozed confidence and intelligence and I was immediately attracted to him. He was witty, flirty and full of himself and every word that came out of his mouth was incredibly sexy.
After getting to know him through months of gaming I learned that he was in a relationship and living with his girlfriend. I of course was involved with someone as well, so for the next couple of years we had an easy friendship with a lot of flirting and teasing but nothing more than that. I had been living with the guy I was involved with for a while. He wasn't able to work or even live here legally because he was Canadian. We had been together for a couple of years so when he asked me to marry him, against my better judgment I accepted. I knew in order for him to be able to get a job here, he would need to be legal in the US and the only way to do that was to get him a fiancee visa. Things between us hadn't been very good for some time but I had hoped that once he got a job everything would get better. I was wrong, it never did get any better. In fact it only got worse. He and the girls disliked each other more and more with every passing day it seemed and I was constantly in the middle. I asked him for a divorce about a year after we got married and he got nasty about it and threatened to try and take half of my house (which I owned before we ever married and he hardly ever had a job to contribute to paying the mortgage either!) so I didn't push the issue and we grew further and further apart. It was more like a roommate who never paid any rent than a marriage.
Jeff and I continued to hang out and play together. We grew to be great friends over the years and confided things to each other about the relationships we were in. I considered him one of my best friends even though we had never truly even met each other. He heard my kids growing up and had even talked to them on the headset many times. I always thought he had a softspot for Maggie. He would hear her talking in the background and say, " Is that Maggie? Put her on." Maggie would say, " Hi Serpy (one of his character names)!" and he would say in the cutest little voice.." Hiiii Maggie!" He would tell her to be good for me and ask her about school or even which cartoon she was watching. One time I was playing my game with Jeff and Maggie came in with a friend and said, " Are you talking to Serpy?" and I said yes...She turned to her friend and said, "Serpy's my man!" LOL
In December of last year he came online and we started talking and playing our game as usual, at this point we were on to a different game ( World of Warcraft, which we are still playing together) I could tell that he was excited about something and couldn't wait to tell me. " I bought her a ring, I'm going to propose on New Years eve." he said. I wasn't prepared for that, or the sick feeling that came over me as the news of his impending engagement started to sink in. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach with steel toe boots. It didn't dawn on me till much later why the thought of him marrying someone else had such a profound effect on me. I tried to be happy for him and congratulated him and told him I wished them both the best. I didn't hear from him for at least a week after he told me that and then a week or so later he was gone for the holiday until after the 1st of the year. That whole weekend I was sick with the thought of him getting engaged and I couldn't even bring myself to play any games to try and cheer myself up. I kept asking myself, " Why are you so bothered by this? Who are you to say anything? You're married!" And the only answer I could muster to any of those things was , " Yes, I'm married- but not happily...And I don't want to see that happen to him too."
Things continued to get worse in my marriage, we hardly spoke to each other and I started sleeping on the couch and he never asked why or even seemed to care. We just kept up the chirade of being husband and wife, the whole time living pretty much separate lives. He had managed to get a decent job so at least he was helping me financially for a change.
At the beginning of the summer there were several times that Jeff logged on that I could tell he was in a bad mood or something was wrong. There were times, if we were alone he would tell me about how he and his fiancee weren't getting along very well and I would try to help him with advice or just giving him some time and let him vent. He in turn listened to what was going on in my life/marriage and gave me some great advice.
Then one day in the end of June, I'm at one of Maggie's softball games and I get a message on my cellphone from him though my MSN. " Get on ventrilo, I need to talk to you right now!" I've never gotten a message from him on my cell phone before first of all and it sounded really important. "I'm at a ball game? What's wrong?" I send back. My stomach is turning because being a mother, if you get an urgent sounding message like that you assume something is wrong right away. " I kicked her out..The engagement is off...It's over" It was probably really mean of me, but the biggest smile spread across my face when I read those words I can't even describe to you how excited I was at this new information. " Are you OK? You can call me if you need to talk!" and I proceeded to give him my cellphone number and he gave me his. I called him and talked to him for a few minutes to assure myself he was ok. He said he felt better than he had in a long time, like a weight had been lifted off him.
When he broke of his engagement something inside me just snapped and I finally said to myself, "If he can do it, why can't you?" I decided I wasn't going to stay in my loveless marriage any longer and told my husband I wanted a divorce and I meant it. We didn't have any kids in common so it was fairly easy and I filed the papers myself because neither of us could afford an attorney. It was pretty obvious that he wanted a divorce as much as I did because when I confronted him about it, the only thing he was worried about was his immigration status. Didn't care to try and work things out or anything so I knew he would not fight me and I was happy to finally be doing something right for a change.
Jeff and I continued to talk every day about every subject you can imagine. We found that we had so much in common that it was almost uncanny. Every favorite I have, I share with him. Be it my favorite cereal, shoes, perfume/cologne, animals, music and anything in between. Our hopes, our dreams EVERYTHING was the same. Each time the phone rang and I saw his number, the butterflies would start their fluttering in my stomach. With each day that passed my feelings for him grew. It got to the point that he was all I thought about day or night, all day every day. It's still the same today. I wake, eat, sleep and dream him. 24/7
It didn't take long before I realized that I was in love with him. In fact, I started to question if I had ever even been in love before now because I had NEVER felt this way about anyone in my life. I thought that love like this was a fairy tale but it's not. I've never said this about anyone else in my life but he IS my soulmate.
I have never cheated on anyone and never will, so as hard as it was to do the right thing ..We did. We waited until I had filed the divorce before we met in person. I used the money my dad gave me for my birthday for the filing fee, so on August 11th, the day after my birthday, I filed for divorce. That weekend Jeff and I finally met in person for the 1st time. Everything that we had been feeling for each other was confirmed in a big way. It was a wonderful 24 hours we spent together, he bought me a beautiful diamond bracelette and some really nice massage oil for my birthday. There were roses and candles all over the room. It was perfect in every way. We have been together every weekend since then except Labor Day weekend( he had his nephew's birthday party to go to so he stayed home that weekend.)
I had always thought of myself as a strong, independent, self sufficient woman. I had to be. The men in my life never lived up to their responsibilities as either a husband or a father. Now I find now that I'm tired of being the strong one. I love the fact that Jeff is 100% male and in control. He wants to be the one that I depend on to help me with whatever it is I need. He is the most intelligent, responsible, articulate, caring, considerate, thoughtful, romantic, amazing man I have ever met and I thank God everyday that he brought him into my life.
He is THE ONE! I found him! The one that you daydream about when you're growing up, or when you get older and start reading those corney romance novels and think...I wonder if I'll ever meet the man of MY dreams? The answer, for me at least is a resounding YES!!!! I have gladly done things for him that I would never even consider doing for anyone else. He is the one man on this planet that I would ever start over by having another child with (and we plan to in the next 2 years or so) There is nothing I want more than to feel his son grow inside me and to look into his tiny face with his father's beautiful blue eyes. The one I will spend the rest of my life, doing everything in my power, to make him the happiest man alive.
I have never before cried because I missed someone. Every weekend, even though I know he'll be back in 5 days, before the day is over on Sunday and sometimes throughout the week as well, I'm in tears because I can't stand being without him. I go to bed clutching his sweatshirt because it smells like him. I sometimes tease him and tell him he's turned me into a weepy female, which I don't want to be ...(THANKS ALOT JEFF! lol ) I don't mind so much because he wants to be the one to wipe my tears away... The one to put me back together again when I fall apart.
I could go on forever about how much I love him and how I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. This post is getting pretty long winded so I'm going to draw it to a close. I love you Jeff. I miss you. Can't wait to see you Friday. You're my love, my life, my reason, my knight in shining armor, my hero, my soulmate, my everything.
posted by Andrea at 6:43 AM
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